Winner By Default

What do you want? What do you really, truly want, in life? In a friend? A job? A home?  Do you actually know? Recently, I’ve experienced, both personally and professionally, a whole lot of people knowing what they don’t  want. Example: you were walking around a Food Truck fair with unlimited options, would you patronize the first truck you liked, or would you need to see all of the options before you make a decision, or, my personal favorite, would you need to make a mental list and scratch off the ones which you for sure don’t like so the winner is crowned by default…

Working with lovely humans from all parts of the world moving into a Maryland home; I don’t limit my office to one City or County, one type of home purchase, only men or women, families or singles, I don’t filter sexual orientation or religion. ALL are welcome in this tribe and the dynamic client base that I have thrills me. However, one commonality that I have witnessed with each of my clients at some point, is the missed-target of knowing precisely what they want. Some more than others, but this experience is universally human and I’m not ashamed to say I struggle with it too. What the heck are we going to do about it though? I did a little experiment recently. Each morning I woke up, I jotted down how I wanted to feel that day. The first day, here are my answers: not stressed, not tired- seriously!? I only knew how I didn’t want to feel, not a bad thing, but if I know what should be absent that doesn’t imply what should be in it’s place.

“I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah”  -Spice Girls

My clients and I will walk through a house and it will begin, “the open kitchen is cool, but I don’t like white cabinets”, my favorite, “I hate the wall colors”, or sometimes, “I don’t like carpeted stairs”. In the right moment, I’m feeling combative and these questions push me to ask- “well,  what type of cabinets do you want?”, “what wall color do you want? ” or “what type of stairs do you want?” I’ll let you know when I get a precise answer ladies and gentlemen because man, it is so so easy to only know what you don’t want.

There are people in my life right now that are debilitated by this concept, yet they don’t know it.  For months we look at homes and they want to see more. As an outsider I can see the new options are only making it harder, providing them with more of what they don’t want. It would be devastating for me to buy a home simply because it had the least amount of things I didn’t like in it or to marry my husband only because he had the fewest bad qualities-that is ludicrous when said aloud, but it happens. Don’t pick a winner by default. To give hope, I’ll tell you that two of my clients wrote offers on a house the day they saw it; it only took one. I will also tell you that the day I met my husband I told at  least  F I V E  people that I was going to marry him. Damn. I’m impressed and inspired by that level of confidence. I can’t even do that at Red Robin.

“Knowing what you don’t want to do is the best possible place to be if you don’t know what to do. Because knowing what you don’t want to do leads you to figure out what is it you really do want to do.”

-Oprah Winfrey

Where do we go from here? Being confident in what you don’t want is actually the first step, the elementary school level and, folks, we need a masters degree. For your safety and the respect of your dignity as a person,  you should know how you don’t want to be treated in a relationship, but what’s often forgotten is the merit we put into knowing how others should treat us. Think about how you’d feel walking around your life, confidently knowing precisely what you wanted from yourself and others. And then think about how much time you spend going back and forth, or the wasted minutes on decisions that should be split-second.

Back to the Food Truck scenario. The Volunteer Fire Department in Odenton hosts a Food Truck Night every Thursday during the Summer with a rotation of 24 Trucks. It’s part of a larger collaboration with other Food Truck Nights in Severn, Glen Burnie and Arbutus. I have been beyond pumped for this season to start, we gleefully hopped into the car to check it out. En Route I started thinking about what I wanted, a classic gyro or maybe dessert, what about a burger; ultimately I told myself, we will wait until I see the options. It starts…. beyond feeling the similar joy of finally arriving to the pearly gates was this feeling of, ‘oh shit’, totally overwhelmed with options.  So, I meandered around and settled for the shortest line because it was getting late and the kids were screaming at this point. My indecisiveness forced my hand and limited my options.  It worked out this time though, because I devoured the most delicious gyro and kabob that I’ve had in months. Fortunately for me, there is always next Thursday.

So….you scrolled to the bottom just to get a synopsis

  • After your first cup of coffee, jot down how you want to feel that day. Do this for a week and enjoy the clarity that comes with it.
  • Knowing what you don’t want isn’t a bad thing, but it isn’t the end; just the first step.
  • DREAM BIG, put what you thought you wanted to sleep and get cracking on figuring out your shit, what do you really want?
  • Just because there is an inventory of homes for sale does not mean you have to see them all. You really only need to find one house 🙂
  • Support your local Volunteer Fire Department in Anne Arundel this Summer at the Food Truck Nights!


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